Star vs. The Forces of Evil :

So, Star Vs. The Forces of Evil is ending and I am so torn. SO TORN. The problem is I don’t know whether or not I am too upset to watch the end of season 3. This is going to sound like the nerdiest most sappy geek like thing ever, but: I AM REALLY ANNOYED WITH THAT STARCO MOMENT. I get we are probably going to have the cliche where the best friend male character is the predestined fated true love of the female protagonist (because we can never just have a great friend story) happen, but having Marco kiss Star right after Tom and her finally get the growth they should have and be super cute IS JUST PLAN AWFUL. That is a waster of having Tom and Star together or Kelly being interested in Marco. All of that awkwardness could of just waited till the next season. Don’t do it back to back like that.

And you want to know the worst part if you are a Tomstar shipper like me? All the Starco fan fiction children are so amazing. Like seriously amazing. Luna and Cressida and Sam are so great I would love an episode where a bunch of parallel world kids just pop out team up and save Mewni…..Why can’t someone make (specifically draw because I have no talent in that) cute kids for Tomstar? TOM DESERVES CUTE KIDS TOO.

Please, internet if I write bad fan fiction will you help me?

I.L. Knight

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Star’s Princess Song – Star Vs. The Forces Of Evil

Fan Fiction Update :

Just a quick introduction!

I have added Lost Girl Fan Fiction onto the site, because it was my old binge watch and inspiration hit. It is so much easier to add rather than finish existing works….

Please check it out:

Lost Girl Chapter 1

I.L. Knight

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Lost Girl Opening

Web Novel Updates :

Before I sit down in assignment hell and overload I just wanted to quickly update two of the chapters for a web novel I have been shopping around….As soon as I get out from under my assignment and life overload I will update more.

MOOOORRREEEE,

I.L. Knight

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All The Tired Horses – Bob Dylan

 

Oops. Boys & Sleep :

So, um, you know that boy I swerved. I temporarily fell to the depths of hell. I stayed up till 5 am talking to him. When I had a 7:00 am class. I did indeed fuck up and go down memory lane with someone I used to feel comfortable. BUT, BUT BUT BUT… After we said goodbye I realized I was right to swerve in the first place. I ain’t about all of that. Media platforms back on block.

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I am amazing on my own,

I.L. Knight

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Smile – Lily Allen

Temptation of Rps:

I’m really tempted to post on this site the Harry Potter Rps I have with a fellow writer that’s appeared on my site. The problem is, no matter how good they are, there is so much problems with posting and dealing with harry potter stuff that is a struggle bus I’m not 100% like want to have…. But still, this Slytherin love of mine.

I.L. Knight

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Slytherin Playlist

Boys :

When you successfully avoid all the traps a boy from the past throws out at you. The bait-switch, the pitfall, the recollection, the poke and prod, the tease…. I AVOIDED THEM ALL MOTHER FUCKER. Instead, I got a serious of apologies.

Take that… Take that to your record of past experiences you need to learn from.

I OWNED YOU SON.

I.L. Knight

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Work Bitch – Britney Spears

It’s Sort Of Funny :

My entire life when it came to my appearance I always wanted one thing: to be thin and pale, the sort of heroine chic one would want to protect. Its funny how life turns out sometimes. It did hand me the sick look, just not the fashion … or weight that came with it. I went from hyper and healthy to sick and overweight. When that irony popped up in my head the other day I couldn’t help but laugh. I got everything I ever wanted…. wanted to be a writer? Could still half ass that? Wanted to own my own business and be successful young? I own something on paper? Wanted to be happy? I finally got half way there? Etc…

Yep. Life, G-d, karma gave me everything I wanted. It’s not a cliche unneeded thing it’s just… a joke. It feels like the things I struggled for are a cosmic joke.

I.L. knight

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Courage – Superchick

So I Can Put This Calmly Behind Me:

Normally, I would be caught up with anxiety and hyper thinking and inability to get back on track. However, I think this time I can not fall into that trap. Instead of being emotional and sad, I want to focus on the good news today. I got offered not one, but two summer scholarships in Japan (a country that has been my #1 one desired country to visit), and I got a nice purple hair dye. I’m going to focus on that.

I’m also, instead of a long rant, be simple and direct about my complaints:

(1) I asked my mom not to call me this week about our issues, because I have a very heavy workload from school and would be already stressed and anxious. She ignored this request to ask me a heavy loaded question.

(2) It is generally inappropriate, and even worse so at the the moment, to ask your daughter if she loves you because you are her mother and if you see her as a mother from over the phone. We already have issues and need these sort of conversations mediated.

(3) Insist at the pain of your answer, when you told her truthfully out of respect. I love my mother as an individual, because of choices she has made for me. I’m no longer a child who looks at the world as simple as, “A mother is someone you love, because she is your mother.” Whether I see my mother as my mother or not that is also complicated.  My mother by definition and logic I recognize as a mom. However, emotional context is different. It’s not a good or bad thing, or grandparents influences, there is just roles that have not been fulfilled. Don’t ask for a simplification of a complicated matter, so lightly and off the cuff.

There is the summary of the phone conversation. Now I am going to let go of it tonight and focus on my work. A couple minutes of deep breathing and calming down will do the trick, because I will not get in my way tonight.

I am capable of staying calming and achieving what I want to achieve,

I.L. Knight

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Daughters – John Mayer

On Friendship:

I had a friend in town a few days ago and he asked me a question out of a nowhere. He asked me, as he was pulling our Publix sandwiches out of the bag, if there was a friend we wouldn’t want to be. I mean who does that? Isn’t the standard who would you want to be? And then he had the nerve to not like my answer. I’m sorry I didn’t live up to your expectations. I mean jeez it’s my life.

The friend is was expecting me to never choose was a friend he knew I was close with. A capable, hard working, organized always been an adult type of friend. Yes, I definitely admire her. Hell, I would beg a G-d for a scrap of the resolution and productivity she can muster on a daily basis. I mean she has capitalized and re-institutionalized the meaning of being a capable independent woman…. but admiration of skills aside that doesn’t mean I want to suddenly have her life.

I mean first of all ever person has their own challenges. A part of me believes you get the challenges you are able to overcome. Which means if I had her challenges I would be starting off in an even worse place then I am now.

Secondly, and probably the most honest reason, there is a fundamental difference between the two of us. She is the capable, resolved, hard working person who can compartmentalize on a whole nother level. I am the emotional, guilt ridden, cynical realist, that doesn’t move on from things and tends to wallow too much. There’s a silver lining about me though, I think. My problems, or these sort of problems, tend to come from being self aware (or overly self aware) of your body, thoughts, and emotional states. You basically skipped almost all of Maslow’s triangle and achieved the top block. When you live as that sort of person, since from as far back as you can remember, living any other way sounds a bit…harsh? I can’t imagine navigating the world not perfectly aware of what I’m feeling in every moment. Even if sometimes I wish I was a numb dead fish on a like a sea bank somewhere.

I have definitely been uncomfortable and critical of who I am. SO MANY TIMES. I still haven’t gotten over the wallflower description. “Oh, you know. You are like that wallflower who successfully blends when she forgets she is trying to blend, BUT HEY once you’re noticed man you just can’t look away from you.” …. “Uh, thanks, I guess.”.. “No problem, man. Just thought you should know. You really stand out when you are trying to blend in.”… Yea, I am not over that conversation. Or constantly being called the quirky one.

Still, I think it is okay to be your own person with your own problems. Even if you want to still admire another person. People shouldn’t ask you who do you not want to be, or who would you want to be. I think a better question is who are you going to be. It’s not about anything else, but the ideals you personally want to achieve.

Right?

I.L. Knight

 

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Let Me Be Myself – 3 Doors Down